I've been in a funk. Like an all I wanna do is eat potato chips and ice cream while binge watching on Netflix kind of funk. It's a place where I'm sad, angry, discouraged, lonely and tired all at the same time. Tears sometimes flow daily. It's in these times that I go back and forth between knowing I should trust God and not being completely certain that he hasn't forgotten me. Even worse, maybe he is choosing to dub me as the black sheep of the family or the student with her hand raised but he doesn't want to call on.
I also ask him daily for forgiveness because I know that my emotions deceive me. I don't want to give up on my dreams of serving him. I want to be someone who shares hope with this world. I want to be someone who never stops proclaiming the Good News of Jesus. These past few months I've needed his good news to be real to me. I've needed hope and healing.
Yesterday, I heard the Lord very clearly tell me, "It's time to get back on track. " He said it again last night. "It's time to get going. " I knew exactly what he meant. He has been patiently letting me bury my head under the sheets in pain and frustration while carrying out my temper tantrum. "I know, I know...You're right!!" I said over and over, out loud. I hadn't heard him much, if at all, in months and his voice could not have been more clear and direct than it was last night.
This morning, I finally decided to open up his Word and really study it. It's been a few weeks since I had really dug in with a notebook and pen in hand. I immediately read this:
Deuteronomy 2:2 And the Lord spoke to me, saying, ‘You have circled this mountain long enough. Now turn North"
There is was again! Point taken! It was the third time he made his message clear. I can hear his voice echoing from last night. " It's time...It's time get back on track."
His voice wasn't harsh. It was gentle but firm. I knew he was right. It is time. It is time to start dreaming again. It is time to get up, dust myself off, and stand. It is time to put away the voices that tell me I'm worthless, unloved, and forgotten. I am worth something to my heavenly father who gently picked me up and put me back on my feet. I am loved and certainly not forgotten by the creator of the universe who spoke the very same message three times to me, his servant whom he chooses to reveal himself to.
I don't know where you are in your journey, but maybe you've been in a funk like me and it's time for you also to get up and continue on. Maybe it's time for you to start dreaming again. Maybe you also need to stop listening to the voices of fear and doubt. Just like God was leading the Children of Israel to their promised land, I believe he wants to lead us to some place new and special as well. I don't know about you, but I'm ready to conquer and possess some land!